Divorce - Separation

Divorce & Separation

If I thought that the initial process of telling my husband (soon to be ex) that I knew about his affair and that I wanted him out of the house was hard, I was about to learn exactly what hardship actually entailed. The day I asked him to move out, he did it. I believe he went to stay with a friend of his. It was hard for him to stay with his new girlfriend, since she was also somebody’s spouse. I stayed at home with the cats!

Now, I wanted this divorce. Not because my husband was a bad person, not even really because of his affair(s), but just because we really had nothing in common. Neither of us could truly appreciate or love who the other person was, because we couldn’t relate to one another. Immediately following our separation, I learned a critical love life lesson: Always ensure that you have a friendship with the person you fall in love with. Without that friendship, once the passionate love passes, you are left with nothing. Nothing at all. But, even though I wanted this divorce, wanted to end the lie that was our marriage, the separation was something I was not prepared for.

I could never have guessed at the loneliness that I would feel. Even though I had spent the majority of the past 7 years alone. The loneliness was deeper and riddled with questions that kept me up through the nights. Questions like, what if no-one ever holds me again? What if, no-one ever kisses me again. I know now, that these are all the lies, all the scary questions that your mind can ask itself. All the worst case scenarios, but it doesn’t mean that they didn’t cause me to ache at the time. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t have to play music all night long, just to get the questions to take a break and let me get some sleep. It also doesn’t mean that I did not rush right out and buy every newly-single woman’s necessity item, the body pillow.

I was also still completing my law degree when we separated. But now, the work of law school with all its many rigors was multiplied by my emotional fatigue, low level depression, and the fact that I needed a job. And, I needed it now.

So many things, at the time, were overwhelming and scary for me. I literally could not figure out how to resolve problems. Therefore, when the job necessity issue came to the fore, I was thinking about it as I drove home from law school, saw a sign for a Chili’s Restaurant at my exit and went in and applied for a job as a waitress!

And so, there I was. My marriage was over. I was a law student. I was a waitress. And, I had no idea what was next in my life.